Who Am I?

No, I haven’t developed a case of amnesia, and I’m not going through a midlife crisis.  Well…  I’ve been going through a midlife crisis since I turned thirty, and continue to remain smack dab in the middle of it.  But it’s not like it’s a new thing.  After a few years you kind of get used to it.

Wow.  Smack dab??? 

Where did that come from?!  To the best of my knowledge, I’ve never used that phrase in my life.  Maybe I wanted to though, because it was right there when I wrote the sentence…

Just for the heck of it I checked out ‘smack dab’ on YouTube…and found this.  Has anyone ever heard of the group OR the song?  Cause I sure haven’t.  If I ever write something set in the 50’s, I might use it though.

So anyway…

I’ve been trying to catch up on some of my favorite blogs since my computer is back and Trojan free.  And I happened to stop by Angela Scott’s Whimsy & Writing site.  There I enjoyed her post, 10 Tips to Finding the Writing Success YOU’RE Looking For.

I’m 99% on board with each and every tip she offers, except I realized a few hours after reading it that I’m not a writer first and foremost.  Writing might come in a close second…and I mean a really close second, but I’m a mom above all else.

There’s nothing in the world I’ve ever done that has given me more joy than raising my kids.  There’s nothing in the world that’s ever given me more stress, frustration, tears and headaches either.  But the good far outweighs the bad.

From the moment my oldest child was born I knew I’d found my true ‘calling.’  Now that they’re older and don’t require constant attention, and in fact don’t want me looking over their shoulders constantly, I can indulge more in the second love of my life.  And we all know that’s writing.  (Which could be moved to third place if Damon Salvatore ever appears after I blow out my birthday candles.)

But until then, I’m a mom who writes.  Sure, I’ll still say I’m a writer.  Much like others say they’re doctors, truck drivers and librarians.  But the mom thing?  It’s always going to come first.  Because there’s just nothing better in this life than having the privilege of raising children.  At least not as far as I’m concerned.

This group sure got it right.  Thank God for kids!

I know that everyone is different.  Not everyone is a parent.  What are you?  If you had to choose the title that defines you best, what would it be.

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18 Responses to Who Am I?

  1. That is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. I’ve joined your feed and look forward to in search of more of your excellent post. Also, I have shared your site in my social networks!

  2. I wonder what our 12-step program would be like… 1. Stumble out of bed, do NOT look in mirror. 2. Tell kids it’s time to get up on way to kitchen. 3. Prepare breakfast. Note to self-get to bed earlier tonight because toothpicks to keep lids open hurts. 4. Yell at kids from kitchen that it’s time to get up. 5. Connect coffee I.V. and drag pole to freezer to look for something for supper. 6. Start shouting that computer (or cartoon) privileges will be revoked for two days if the kids don’t get out of bed NOW….

    Oh that cake looks scrumptious! However, given that lemon trees don’t grow well in Michigan, and recalling the dismal failure of my one and only attempt at a ‘from-scratch’ key lime pie, I will likely use ready made lemon curd (and probably a cake mix because I’ve done way too much cooking since a few days before Thanksgiving). 🙂

    Cheers to you, too, Jenny. And to your dad…may 2012 be a wonderful, HEALTHY year for the entire Bean family.


  3. Hi, I’m Jenny, and I’m a mommy and a writer….

    And Lord knows I’ve been having a mid-life crisis since I was 20. But, hey, it makes for interesting writing.

    “Because there’s just nothing better in this life than having the privilege of raising children.” I couldn’t agree more, Kristy.

    On a side note: my lemon curd cake that you were asking about is from a Bon Appetit recipe (http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Lemon-Curd-Layer-Cake-100975). Mine didn’t look this pretty, and the sprinkling of coconut on the outside was my addition.

    Cheers to you, my bloggy friend. May 2012 be a good one for you.

    XOXO, Jenny

  4. Trust me, Marcy, if you have even the tiniest bit of motherly instinct, and I think that you do, priorities will definitely change when you have children. There is nothing you wouldn’t do for, or give up for them.

    And you’re right about the sacrifices. I have no problem giving up things like television. In fact, it’s been about a month since I’ve even turned it on (that will change when White Collar, Parenthood and The Vampire Diaries start up again in January though). But the people in my life…no. They come first and always will.

  5. I’m not a mom yet, so I don’t know if or how that would change things, but I’d say I’m first and foremost a wife. My relationship with my husband, who’s also my best friend, is far more important to me than being a writer. One of the changes I’m making in 2012 is to have that reflected in my actions because my husband sadly hasn’t gotten the share of my time that he deserves over the past year. I know a lot of writers will say that writing is paramount and any sacrifice is worth it, but I think some sacrifices are too great.

  6. Hi, Debra. It’s nice to meet you. And thank you. I appreciate your saying that. I found your website through Twitter and have been kind of checking it out. While I’m not a late bloomer as far as knowing what I want to do, I am in having put it in second place for so long. I’ll look forward to hearing what you have to say. 🙂

    Thanks for stopping by!

  7. Debra Eve says:

    I’m with Diane, Kristy. Although I’ve never had children, I know it would have to come first no matter what. One day you’ll have a beautiful grown-up brood who’ll be so proud of their author-mother!

  8. Hi, Shelly! There will never be any question about this question. I’m a mom. Even when my kids are in their sixties, and I’m super old and gray, I’m still going to be the mom, and it’s still going to be the most important thing in my life. Sure, I’ll have more time to devote to writing, and I sincerely hope it’s lots of time. But if I ever had to give one of the two up, it would be writing…in a heartbeat.

    I need balance, too. And I also could use a cheat sheet for YOUR tough questions! 🙂

  9. Shelly Immel says:

    Hey, Kristy. You obviously have a good start on some of those “hard” questions I posed on my blog. Bonus points to you for looking this straight in the eye and claiming the identity that means most to you. There’s a lot of pressure for writers to say they are writers first and all other roles last. But as much as I love writing, that sticks in my craw, too. I need balance among my obsessions / passions. 🙂

  10. You’re still a writer, Susie. But your main focus is where it should…and needs to be right now. I still wrote a lot when my kids were little, I just did it when I had the spare time, not necessarily when I wanted to.

    And you’re welcome. I enjoyed your blog. Especially since I’m all about cutting costs wherever I can these days. It’s nice to learn new ways to entertain and not break the bank in the process. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  11. My kids are all still young (ages 6 and under) so I’m definitely a mom first at this point in my life. Then I’d say a blogger, but I don’t consider myself a “writer” per se. I think as the kids get older the focus will shift more from them to me, but right now I’m ok with the focus all on them. Thanks for stopping by my blog yesterday and leaving a comment.

  12. Tough question for those of us who aren’t parents, Kristy. I applaud your Job #1. I wish all parents felt as you do. Our world would be a much better place for it.

  13. Here Here!! My youngest went off to Kindergarten this year and for the first time in what seems like a really long time (14 yrs to be exact) all of my kids are in school and 8:30-4:00 belongs to ME – well except for school events, sick pickups/sick days, kid dr apptmnts, laundry, food shopping, cleaning, meal planning & my pt job … well you get the idea – but after all of that – I’m a writer 🙂

    • How did you handle that first day, Karen? When my youngest started kindergarten, I walked into the classroom with her. She looked so little and scared, I said, “Do you want me to stay awhile?” She looked up at me and said, quite decisively, “No. Go home.”

      I wound up driving around town for the entire first class because I was so bummed out I didn’t want to go home. I hadn’t been alone, without kids, for so long I had a hard time adjusting, lol. But I got used to it pretty quickly and loved my alone time. But for the exceptions you listed. 🙂

  14. That is true, Louise. My parenting style has changed dramatically through the years. And at the moment it needs to change again as my youngest has begun dating. Mostly I need to learn to let HER learn from life experiences, but I’m finding that a bit tough to do.

    What a great thing you’re doing with your grandkids! I was very fortunate to have one set of grandparents that I loved dearly. They died far too young and I still think of them often. Grandparents DO make a difference in your life.

    Thanks for stopping by. And glad I gave you something to think about. 🙂

  15. excellent question Kristy. Like you, I loved being a mother and made that my life’s work for some years. But the kids are grown and gone and living their own lives now. We’re always parents but the style of parenting changes and it’s very different for me now.

    So I’m a writer first but coming an extraordinarily close second, I’m a grandmother. This is such a delight for me, I can’t begin to explain it. My children did not have active grandparents – I had siblings close in age to my children and the other ones also had a large family. So I think my kids missed out on a lot. But I am determined that my grandchildren will know the best of that relationship, as I was blessed by my grandmother.

    great question – one I’ll continue to consider for awhile.

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