Swamp Sludge On the Rocks, Please

“You need to increase the nutritional density of your diet.”

Not what I wanted to hear at my doctor’s appointment last week.  Because I think we all know that ‘nutritional density’ translates into foods that don’t taste nearly as good as…well…foods that actually taste good. 

Poor Einstein gets excited over a Subway commercial-and is stuck gnawing on a tasteless piece of plastic.  Basically what my new, nutritionally dense diet will probably taste like…

After recovering from my initial anger over terms like metabolic syndrome and PCOS, I did what I always do, and that’s hit Google in order to educate myself.  And that’s when, from somewhere in the hidden recesses of my mind, the thought started fighting to break free.

A thought so repugnant and disgusting that I fought it valiantly for several hours, ignoring the tiny voice in my head to the very best of my ability.   Imaginary duct tape wouldn’t shut the little sucker up.  Wrestling it to the floor of my brain and clamping both of my hands over its mouth didn’t work either.

So, as is too often the case, common sense kicked in and started making some pretty valid arguments in favor of that which I was working so hard to resist.

It’s good for you.  Big deal.  Lima beans are good for me, too, and I’m not about to start eating those.  It’s a ‘superfood.’  Lima beans???  No, you dork!  That other superfood.  Uh-uh!  Brownies are a ‘superfood.’  Oh would you grow up and start acting like an adult?!  No!  I won’t do it!  Do you really want to start ruining all of your good recipes by cramming them full of veggies you don’t like?

See the orange?  Common sense was even more annoying!


Okay, it was dirty pool, but common sense had a point.  Visions of my legendary chicken stew with cauliflower danced through my head.

And so I spent perfectly good money on perfectly good gas to visit a health food store in a nearby city (because health food stores can never be found in small towns).  There I spent more perfectly good money to buy the superfood.

Now I’d read about it before but nothing could have prepared me for the scent that assaulted my nose when I took the lid off the container.

Maybe I could get used to the nasty flavor of chicken stew with cauliflower.

But common sense continued to nag me like a fishwife until I broke out the blender, filling it with a little water,  half a cup of frozen orange juice concentrate, a whole banana and a big handful of strawberries.

The moment of doom had arrived.  I reluctantly measured out the heaping tablespoon of powdered greens.  Green?  I’ve never seen anything that green in my life!  Not surprisingly, it turned the whole smoothie that same awful, hideous shade of dark yucky green.

The whole twenty ounce smoothie…

Guess if you’re going to suck down something that looks and smells that bad, you might as well make sure you’ve got plenty of it.

The picture doesn’t do it justice but I picked up a McD’s strawberry-banana smoothie tonight so you could get an idea of what I was gagging down the first couple of nights.  Yummy, hmm?  Now I just have to drink it…

Know what a freshly mowed lawn smells like?  That’s pretty much what this tastes like.  I suppose I’ll get used to it though.

Only I’m getting used to it in smaller quantities now.  Day three found me putting a heaping tablespoon of that sh….tuff in about four ounces of water, and washing it down with some ginger ale.  Day four I found if I had a glass of water afterward, it worked.

Now if I could just make common sense stop that incessant snickering…

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