Swamp Sludge On the Rocks, Please

“You need to increase the nutritional density of your diet.”

Not what I wanted to hear at my doctor’s appointment last week.  Because I think we all know that ‘nutritional density’ translates into foods that don’t taste nearly as good as…well…foods that actually taste good. 

Poor Einstein gets excited over a Subway commercial-and is stuck gnawing on a tasteless piece of plastic.  Basically what my new, nutritionally dense diet will probably taste like…

After recovering from my initial anger over terms like metabolic syndrome and PCOS, I did what I always do, and that’s hit Google in order to educate myself.  And that’s when, from somewhere in the hidden recesses of my mind, the thought started fighting to break free.

A thought so repugnant and disgusting that I fought it valiantly for several hours, ignoring the tiny voice in my head to the very best of my ability.   Imaginary duct tape wouldn’t shut the little sucker up.  Wrestling it to the floor of my brain and clamping both of my hands over its mouth didn’t work either.

So, as is too often the case, common sense kicked in and started making some pretty valid arguments in favor of that which I was working so hard to resist.

It’s good for you.  Big deal.  Lima beans are good for me, too, and I’m not about to start eating those.  It’s a ‘superfood.’  Lima beans???  No, you dork!  That other superfood.  Uh-uh!  Brownies are a ‘superfood.’  Oh would you grow up and start acting like an adult?!  No!  I won’t do it!  Do you really want to start ruining all of your good recipes by cramming them full of veggies you don’t like?

See the orange?  Common sense was even more annoying!


Okay, it was dirty pool, but common sense had a point.  Visions of my legendary chicken stew with cauliflower danced through my head.

And so I spent perfectly good money on perfectly good gas to visit a health food store in a nearby city (because health food stores can never be found in small towns).  There I spent more perfectly good money to buy the superfood.

Now I’d read about it before but nothing could have prepared me for the scent that assaulted my nose when I took the lid off the container.

Maybe I could get used to the nasty flavor of chicken stew with cauliflower.

But common sense continued to nag me like a fishwife until I broke out the blender, filling it with a little water,  half a cup of frozen orange juice concentrate, a whole banana and a big handful of strawberries.

The moment of doom had arrived.  I reluctantly measured out the heaping tablespoon of powdered greens.  Green?  I’ve never seen anything that green in my life!  Not surprisingly, it turned the whole smoothie that same awful, hideous shade of dark yucky green.

The whole twenty ounce smoothie…

Guess if you’re going to suck down something that looks and smells that bad, you might as well make sure you’ve got plenty of it.

The picture doesn’t do it justice but I picked up a McD’s strawberry-banana smoothie tonight so you could get an idea of what I was gagging down the first couple of nights.  Yummy, hmm?  Now I just have to drink it…

Know what a freshly mowed lawn smells like?  That’s pretty much what this tastes like.  I suppose I’ll get used to it though.

Only I’m getting used to it in smaller quantities now.  Day three found me putting a heaping tablespoon of that sh….tuff in about four ounces of water, and washing it down with some ginger ale.  Day four I found if I had a glass of water afterward, it worked.

Now if I could just make common sense stop that incessant snickering…

Like Be the first one who likes this post!
This entry was posted in Romance. Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Swamp Sludge On the Rocks, Please

  1. JennyBean says:

    Gah! It looks *horrible.* Poor you. “Nutritional density” is just not a nice thing to say.


    • LOL…I was feeling a lot of the ‘poor me’s’ the first few days. Although, in all fairness, it looks and smells a lot worse than it tastes. Now the new stuff…hmm. I made a trip to the health food store this weekend for another canister of the Barlean’s because the stuff from Amazon is going to take a LOT of getting used to. At least I hope I can get used to it. Yuck!

      And I agree. Nutritional density is NOT a nice thing to say. Because nutritional density means you’re going to have some unhappy taste buds, one way or another. 🙂

  2. Shelly Immel says:

    Kristy, my husband, who doesn’t like green vegetables but does like feeling good, prefers Bluebonnet’s Super Earth® Green Utopia® Powder. Best combination of texture, taste, and nutritional value. You can get it in little packets or in a canister.

    I’m with Debra. Change your diet for a while, and your taste will shift, too. (The list of what I don’t miss anymore is too long to bore you with.) You may never love super green gack, but you may not miss foods that are a nutritional wasteland. That’s half the battle. And you may find you enjoy natural foods more. Nothing wrong with brownies, as long as you have your apples and tangerines and mangos and pecans and blueberries and so on along the way, too.

    Good luck on moving your test results in the right direction!

    • I don’t actually mind veggies, it’s just with the hypothyroidism I guess you have to be careful about some of them (broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower are a few…oops, cauliflower isn’t green!). But I also know I don’t get the recommended servings. I guess I have just read too much about how few nutrients fresh veggies have to be impressed with them, which is why I hit the vitamins and herbs so hard.

      My diet probably isn’t all that bad, except I don’t eat as often as I should (sometimes 6 or 8 hours after I wake up before I’ll eat…and on occasion, 10 or 12 hours). I’ve never been much into junk food, except the few days before my period…those PMS chocolate cravings are a pain!

      I will be adding more fruits, in the form of smoothies, which I love. I checked Amazon for the greens your husband uses and didn’t find them. Right now I’m using Barlean’s, but plan to order Amazing Grass online tonight or tomorrow (before this stuff runs out). I guess I’m not going to worry about taste or texture. I can do the serving in 4 oz of water every day. Straws make it a lot easier, too. You don’t have to taste quite so much of it! 🙂

      And thanks for the good luck wishes! Just wish I knew what I was supposed to be looking for, lol.

  3. Melinda says:

    Hmm, I just wonder how much of the “good for you” “superfoods” will be listed as “causing cancer” in the future. Not worth it, life is short…have a brownie! Surely you can work the greens into a brownie! 😉

    • That’s a good point, Melinda. But right now I need to do something, and this seems to be the lesser of two evils (i.e. spending a fortune on produce that’s likely been harvested too early, stored too long and has little nutritional value).

      LOL about ruining perfectly good brownies with the greens. Um…I think I’ll just bite the bullet and just keep taking it in water…then chasing it with good things…like unpolluted brownies. 🙂

  4. Ha! I put mine in apple juice, and drink it as fast as possible. My coworkers have nicknamed it ‘swamp juice’ and if they’re in charitable moods, they point out the ugly, dark green moustache…. lol!

    • LOL…that’s why I use a straw. I didn’t want to take a chance on getting any of the sludge stuck on my teeth! And I sure don’t want a mustache! 🙂

      I’m just going to keep putting mine in water. I think it tasted worse in the smoothie. Hopefully the brand I order online won’t be any worse, and some of the reviews indicate that it tastes better. Wouldn’t mind that, lol.

  5. Debra Kristi says:

    I found that my desire for certain foods changed after a short while and I no longer craved the greasy, fatty foods but desired the healthy stuff. In fact, the stuff I used to eat kind of grosses my out now. If you keep with it that will probably happen for you too. There are probably alternatives to the green stuff you are drinking too. I drink a green shake I actually like, but order it on-line. It’s a shakeology called greenberry or something like that. And what about the green, ready-to-drink health drinks in the produce section? Will those fit your needs? It’s detox and like Karen said, you should start to feel much better soon. Chin up girlfriend.

    • Oh thanks, Debra! You just reminded me that I need to order the stuff I intend to use. I just bought a small container of Barlean’s at the health food store to make sure it wasn’t so bad I’d just waste my money. I’ll be using another brand though (it has more good ratings, lol).

      I don’t actually hate this stuff though. I don’t love it either, but I expect to love the results. And it IS easier to drink in water, plus I use a straw to get it down fast.

      One thing is for sure, I HAVE had worse tasting stuff. I tried a low carb shake ten or twelve years ago that was SO nasty it literally made my taste buds sob. Except for liver, and extremely spicy foods, I’ve never had anything that actually ‘hurt’ to taste…but that shake HURT it was so awful.

      I’m counting on you and Karen being right. I don’t feel as bad as I did when I started taking Synthroid in April, but I wouldn’t mind feeling a little better either. 🙂

  6. Oh no….that’s just plain nastiness!!! My heart breaks for you….ugh! BUT, it’s all in the name of a healthier, long-lasting you so…guess we just gotta suck it up, eh?! I’m doing cardio and eating chicken (which I hate) and gave up coffee for green tea (!??!?!?!). Sucks…but guess it’s time…LOL!!
    Here’s to you feeling better!!!

    • It’s really not that bad, Natalie. I was just kind of playing it for laughs because it wasn’t as awful as I’d imagined it would be. Truthfully, it’s nowhere near as bad as green tea (in my opinion). Now I will say it’s never going to be something I enjoy (unless something really weird happens, and that’s not out of the realm of possibility with me).

      And yes…it’s all in the name of a healthier, long-lasting me so I do what I have to. Just wish this genetics stuff had landed on someone else, lol. But I’d done a lot with vitamins and herbs long before this so I imagine I feel a lot better than other people in a similar situation. 🙂

  7. Hi, Karen! I will keep it up because feeling better is a huge priority. And if this stuff will help, I’ll do it. I just have too many things working against me to not do it. If there’s any way to avoid ‘drugs,’ I’m for it. Well, except for the thyroid prescription and I don’t have much choice there. I’m just glad I’ve been into vitamins and herbs for years or I might really have a problem with the greens.

    It really isn’t as bad as I thought it would be though. At least in the water. But I did find last night, in the little bit of smoothie I put it in, it was more tolerable than it was the first couple of nights. It’s still better in water though.

    I didn’t know that about the oxygen. How cool! Hopefully I’ll notice a big difference soon, and can cancel my appointment with the nutritionist later this month. And even more hopefully, I’ll surprise the doctor in March or April. 🙂

  8. Hey Kristi, keep it up girl, you’re going to feel better. And that’s the only way to drink it down. I find that if I’m sick and tired of feeling crappy, I can get that stuff down. The fantastic thing is you’re giving you body oxygen from the Chlorophyll (the green stuff) and it kills the bad stuff in your blood. I don’t drink the green stuff, I swallow a gelcap. Much easier. lol I know it sucks Kristi, but you’re gonna feel great! May the force be with you my friend! 🙂

  9. asraidevin says:

    I opened this blog entry 4 times before I commented.

    I used to take a green supplement, but mine had a flavour, the texture left something to be desired, but I figured it was healhty so I drank it up. grossed other people out though. I was never good at remembering to take it daily.

    • LOL…I do that sometimes. Get distracted, close something out that I meant to comment on and then go back.

      The green stuff is supposed to be one of the healthiest things there is and, yeah, it does have a texture that isn’t all that pleasant. Surprisingly enough I found this stuff to not taste as bad in just plain water. Still isn’t something I’ll ever ENJOY, but I’ll keep at it. And it’s kind of fun to gross my son out with it. He doesn’t even want to stand by me when I drink it!

      The only way I remember to take what I’m supposed to…my thyroid prescription, vitamins…and now this…is to set the stuff on my desk right in front of my face. If I didn’t do that, I’d forget everything.

  10. JakiCheli says:

    If it tastes like the fresh cut grass in the yard where I grew up I might could down a few grains of the powder, but a whole glass of it? Yuck! I’ll stick to something else to get my nutrition. Good writing as usual. Look forward to seeing more posts, with your talent for turning gross challenges into something to smile about 🙂

    • The only thing I remember chewing on like that when I was a kid was some tiny purplish flower we called a thistle (probably wrong). But you’d pull the little things out and chew on the end. And then I think those little weed things with the fuzzy tops that were about an inch and a half long…if you pulled those out just right there would be a sort of white end that we’d chew on, too. Not often my siblings and I did it because other kids did it…NOT because it tasted good.

      And thanks for the compliment. Sometimes it might take a few hours (or days) to find the humor in some situations, but I try really hard to find it. 🙂

  11. Yeah, yuck is right. I’ve definitely had worse tasting stuff, but it’s been awhile. It is tolerable though (thank goodness!).

    As for what it looks like, the flash on my camera lightened the green a lot. If you’ve ever seen a picture of really dark pine trees, maybe like you’d see in Alaska, THAT’S the color green this stuff is. My son came out to my office and I held up the glass tonight and offered him a sip. He took one look at it and backed away like it might attack him. 🙂

    I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to notice about a nutritionally dense diet, but if I can remember to call the doctor’s office to find out, I’ll let you know. 🙂

  12. powdered greens? into a smoothie. yuck. looks like a cup of cold green pea soup. keep us posted on how it goes.

Leave a Reply