Okay, we’ve already discussed my thing about germs, but when you see people walk out of bathrooms without washing their hands, blow or pick their nose in public, stretch their chewing gum with their fingers … and lots of other stuff I won’t mention (but only because I’m too tired to try and remember that other stuff), you tend to be careful about the things you touch. Germs are everywhere!
They kind of had the right idea back then…
So yeah, I’m the shopper who makes a beeline for the disinfectant wipes to de-germ the handle on my cart. The one who opens public doors with some part of her clothing. The one who goes through about a quart and a half of hand sanitizer every month. Who pours half a bottle of Germ-X into an empty Germ-X bottle and fills each one up with alcohol. I figure it adds more germ-killing power, plus hand sanitizer can be super sticky and this minimizes that problem.
But, no matter how careful I am, there’s always going to be some
butthead person…who refuses to cover their mouth when they cough. I’ve gotten pretty good at cutting off a breath in mid-inhale when someone starts coughing near me in a store – and holding it until I’m well past them. I don’t know if that actually helps, but I do it anyway.
Clearly I did something wrong though. Because I have a cold. And I’ a little annoyed. I have way too much to do to get into the whole zombie thing right now (or ever!). So I’m going to share some advice on the proper steps to take for people who are are sick … and don’t know how to cough into their elbow or a tissue.
1. Using a bright red permanent marker, carefully write the words, “I’m contagious” on forehead in two inch high letters. If bangs are an issue, find a headband to keep hair off the face. If forehead is not high enough, shave eyebrows off to make more room.
2. Place a surgical mask over mouth and nose.
3. Locate the headgear for a beekeeper and put that on over the mask. Make sure the warning on forehead is still clearly visible.
4. Now grab a roll of Gorilla Glue duct tape and snugly secure the ends of the headgear around neck. Use of an oxygen tank is optional. Note: if a headband isn’t available to keep bangs off face, Gorilla Glue duct tape can be substituted in step number one.
5. Plan shopping trips for any of the hours between midnight and six a.m.
There. A few simple steps and I get to shop in a store where I don’t have to worry about carelessly spewed germs invading my air space.
Thanks, Debra! Too bad we can’t get those people to actually DO those steps, lol. At least we’d know to avoid them in public places!
I don’t know that you should avoid sharing your sense of humor with your readers. I imagine you could pull it off just fine. Maybe, like me, you’d have to censor yourself a bit. But you shouldn’t worry about it. We’re likely to offend some people no matter what we write.
I love your proper steps and that last video was priceless! I so need to share it. LMAO.
I have a sense of humor like yours at times. I am afraid to write things on my blog because of my sarcastic humor. People will take me all wrong and get upset or something. I can’t pull it off. I really enjoyed this post Kristy. I hope you have been feeling better.
I’m glad you realized that I was kidding. Some people think I’m serious when I write stuff like that. Well, I was kind of serious about it because I thought I might be losing my voice but mostly kidding. 🙂
I’m with you on the whole hospital thing. And doctor’s office, although my doctor’s policy is to make people wear a mask in the waiting room if they’re coughing. Which is why I’d never make an appointment if I was, lol. I start to panic when I have those things on for more than a couple of minutes! And we all know you can’t get in and out of a doctor’s office in less than an hour. 🙂
you got me laughing with the first point (2 inch red letters on my forehead).I have to admit, when I go into a hospital, I’m loath to touch anything – sick people are inside that building. So I’m careful.
lol – wow this is timely since I am in the middle of a nasty bout of bronchitis & trying to finish these edits – not a good combo! I’m sure it had something to do with the kid at the birthday party I took my son to that had a cough you could hear a mile away (thanks parents.) I sure hope you feel better soon – I’m planning on staying in today & keeping my germs to myself!
Oh bronchitis is not fun! Had that too many times to count, but not in about ten years (thank goodness!). I should be reading my MS and taking notes this week but coughing from this rotten cold is making a good night’s sleep all but impossible. I’m afraid Bozo the Clown will find his way into the story so I’m just going to leave it alone for a few more days. LOL…so much for the ROW80 thing this week!
Don’t you just want to smack parents who take their kids to social functions when they’re sick? I can see taking them to the store if they can’t get a sitter and NEED stuff like meds, juices, etc… But to a party? That’s just wrong.