Mail Day and Marcus McClelland

For those who may be scratching their heads and wondering what in the world this is all about, I’ll tell you.  Most Mondays lately, I’ve been introducing some of the characters from my new book, Enza (available April 23).   I thought this week would be a good one to spotlight Marcus, a local funeral director.

Dear Derek,

As usual I sit here, fountain pen in hand, not knowing what to write.  As you well know, nothing much changes in the funeral business.  There have been a couple of unexpected deaths this week.  Old Mr. Hamilton slipped on the ice on Monday and broke his neck on a hitching post in front of Boyer and Waddell’s meat market.  I understand it caused quite a stir, and resulted in some very inappropriate jokes.  Not that any decent man would listen to or repeat them.

Another gent was crushed when a limb fell through his roof during the night.  Doc Garland said he probably didn’t even know what hit him, which is a good thing.  I can tell you it was one of the most unpleasant things I’ve ever seen.

To answer your question, I don’t have any plans for Christmas.  Colby Thornton invited me for supper again this year but I just can’t abide that wife of his.  How a decent man like Colby ever got hooked up with a harridan like her is beyond my comprehension.  If I were in his place, I’d have cut my throat long ago.  Or hers.  She is the most unpleasant person I’ve ever known.

It sounds like you have a busy time ahead of you though.  I can’t imagine having to attend all of those parties.  I never know what to say to people, and you know how I feel about crowds.  The businessmen’s association will probably do something at the monthly meeting next week and that’s all the Christmas I want or need.

I know I probably shouldn’t have, but I burst out laughing when I read of Derek Junior pelting the headmaster with a snowball.  It reminded me of the time Oscar Waterman threw one at Professor Sanders when we were away at college.  It couldn’t have happened to a more deserving soul.

And speaking of the devil, imagine Professor Sanders in a flouncy dress and fancy hat and there you have Anna Thornton.  Now they would have made quite a pair, like two peas in a pod.

How has your weather been lately?  It seems as though winter started off colder than usual, and has remained so ever since.  I watch the people motoring around town in their automobiles and I just don’t know how they can do it.  Even with their stormcoats and mufflers, they can’t possibly be warm enough at those speeds.

I guess that’s all for now.  I really should go put on a pot of coffee.  The family of the man who died last night will be here shortly to discuss arrangements for his funeral.  I hope you have a very nice Christmas, Derek.

Best regards,

Marcus McClelland