It’s Not All About You…So Just Shut Up and Listen

How many times has your Romeo or Juliet tried to talk to you about something, but later you can’t quite remember what they said? Might have been important, might not have been…you don’t have a clue. Yet instead of saying, “Honey, I’m sorry. I was distracted. Could you tell me again?” you just shrug your shoulders and go about your business. Clearly you made all the right responses, so they didn’t notice. Right?

Wrong! Just because they didn’t call you on it, doesn’t mean they didn’t notice.

You’ve been there. Heck, we’ve all been there. Really needing to talk to someone, to be reassured…or just to share something we’re excited about…only to be blown off. Usually not blatantly, but you can tell. You can always tell. Whoever you turned to isn’t giving you their full attention.

Really dig deep here. Be honest. How did that make you feel? I’m guessing not very good. Now hold onto that feeling…and think about how many times you’ve blown off the things your mate has tried to tell you. How do you think that makes them feel?

Really listen to the words of this song. Consider it homework, a skill you can apply when your better half needs you to hear him/her. Do you know what Romeo or Juliet’s dreams are? What scares them? What makes them cry? When they try to share those things with you, do you hear them?

Romance gone? Passion non-existent? Try shutting your mouth and opening your ears.

Do you want a roommate? Or do you want a partner, lover and a best friend?

If you chose partner, lover and friend, congratulations. There’s hope for you and your relationship. Start listening…really listening. Try what the experts recommend. Paraphrase what you think you heard your mate say. This not only proves you were paying attention, it allows him/her to clarify what they meant if you misunderstood (or they weren’t clear enough).

After you know you’ve heard what they said, the only other thing you can do is show that you care. Sometimes all it requires is a hug. Or a pat on the back, if what they’ve shared is good (though the hug would still be appropriate here). Other times you might have to admit that you don’t know what to do or say, and ask what they need from you. This last thing might annoy some people, but most will just be touched that you cared enough to hear them, and that you want to do whatever you can to make them feel better.

For the record, listening is very romantic. Achieving intimacy with someone is a whole lot easier when the couple is emotionally close. And you can’t be emotionally close if you don’t know them. You know where I’m going with this, don’t you? You can’t be emotionally close unless you talk…and listen.

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If you think that any of the suggested tips are a good fit for you, and you decide to give them a try, I’d love to know if you got the results you hoped for.  Although I can’t guarantee you’ll get any results, most people respond well to sweetness, consideration and attention.

If there’s a particular issue you’d like advice about, but don’t want to mention it in the comments, please feel free to email me at:

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