What Teenage Girls Know That We’ve Forgotten

Who remembers their first crush in seventh or eighth grade? What about that first boyfriend or girlfriend? Maybe you were too young to drive, so your parents had to chauffeur you to the movies or roller skating rink. Obviously there wouldn’t be any necking in the car if that was the case, but still… All that mattered is that you were together, and would be for the next few hours. It’s probably safe to say that there will never be another time in our lives that can hold a candle to those exciting weeks with your very first love.

Maybe if we treated other loves like the first one,  relationships would be more satisfying.

As we mature, we do hold onto some of the same emotions we experienced back in high school. For a while. But they tend to wane, likely because the relationships last longer. And we’re looking for something different as adults than we were as kids.

But the kids…girls anyway…were on to something.

For the guys who didn’t (and don’t) have a clue… We waited anxiously by the telephone for your call. Our notebooks would have made you run for cover with all of the Romeo loves Juliet doodles. And yes, we would pair our first names with your last names…because we wanted to see how they looked together. Not surprisingly, they were always perfect. There might also have been something about…um…well, we sort of planned to marry you someday.

We wrote in our diaries about everything you did, but only because everything you did was so wonderful. The way you sneezed was even cute. We saved ticket stubs from the theater. That little wildflower you gave us on the way to school? Pressed in a book to preserve forever. And the notes you stuck in our lockers would quickly become tattered from reading them over and over.

When we get older, and the cares of life batter at us every minute of every day, it’s easy to lose sight of the simple things that thrilled us about one another in the beginning. The phone rings, you see it’s the love of your life…and you wonder what they want now. Or you see the socks he or she kicked off by the sofa and you want to wring their neck, even though…at one time…it was a pleasure to pick them up. Okay, so maybe not a pleasure, but it would have taken a whole lot more than that to annoy you.

For many of us, it’s time to take a cue from those girls.

I propose that you invest in a cute scrap book, some colored stationary or index cards…and start chronicling all those date nights you should be having.

Did you take your love to see The Avengers? (If not, you should!) Tape the ticket stubs on one page. Each of you write your thoughts about the evening on a card or paper, whether you went to supper before or after, the fact that you shared a bag of popcorn and a soda, what parts of the movie you each enjoyed the most…and secure it below the stubs.

Do the same for every date you have…whether it’s a walk in the rain, or a weekend at a bed and breakfast. Keep any ‘souvenirs’ that will fit in the book. Doodle like you did in high school. Hearts, flowers, your names linked together.

And then, a few times a year, spend a date night somewhere you can be alone, with some snacks you consider romantic…and look through the scrap book together.

Sometimes we just need to remember how good things are, because it’s so easy to forget in the course of day-to-day living. We can start looking at one another like part of woodwork instead of part of our heart.

Okay, so we’ll ignore some spelling issues in the lyrics. The fact of the matter is, the songwriter knows exactly what our focus should be in a relationship.

Most of us know the difference between being in love, and just loving someone. But a lot of people think that in a relationship, it’s only natural to let go of the ‘being’ in favor of ‘just.’

I respectfully disagree with anyone who is okay with this. Because it’s not okay. If you work at being in love for all of your lives, you’ll always feel that high school, first love excitement whenever you think of your mate. Whenever they call, whenever you see them, whenever you’re with them.

So tell me… Which way is the better way? Part of the woodwork, or the ‘be still my heart’ kind of love you felt in the beginning. I know which one I would choose…do you?


See you next week for a new tip.


I’m currently offering a free copy of ‘The Romance Manifesto’ to anyone who is following my blog. If you’re not yet doing so, go ahead and enter your email address near the upper right-hand corner of this page, then shoot me a quick email at kristykjames@gmail.com. I’ll send you the link for a PDF or mobi (Kindle) file. If you’re already following the blog, and would like a copy, let me know, and I’ll get you the links. Thanks for stopping by!


If you think that any of the suggested tips are a good fit for you, and you decide to give them a try, I’d love to know if you got the results you hoped for.  Although I can’t guarantee you’ll get any results, most people respond well to sweetness, consideration and attention.  Just remember, you will need to exercise some patience, and be consistent.  Anything worth having usually requires effort.

***Photo Credit Beverly Nault

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26 Responses to What Teenage Girls Know That We’ve Forgotten

  1. Jenny Hansen says:

    What a sweet post, Kristy! Loved it!

  2. Pingback: Hubby’s Corner: One person’s junk is another person’s treasure! – Natalie Hartford

  3. clarbojahn says:

    Thanks for sharing such a sweet post. It made me think of other ways to show my husband he’s number one. I think I may give him flowers tonight or chocolate on his pillow. 🙂

  4. Debra Kristi says:

    Beautiful post, Kristy. You have some lovely ideas. You know, the little things really matter in a relationship. They call the courtship of a relationship the three month bliss. Reality is bound to creep in. It’s our job to work at it and keep tt spark alive on a daily basis. Anything of value is worth working for. And that’s the good kind of work, right?

    • Thanks, Debra! And it’s absolutely right! Reality can really hurt relationships, so it does take work…if a couple wants to avoid what Marcy said…friends with wedding rings. I think I’d like to experience that three month bliss ALL of the time. 🙂

  5. My husband and I are still relatively newly married (our two-year anniversary is next month), but even for us, we have to work at keeping romance alive so that we don’t just become friends with wedding rings. It’s not easy when the cares of life take over. I think the date scrap book is a great idea. I wish I’d started that earlier when we were dating 🙂

    • I love that…friends with wedding rings. I think that too many marriages hit that place, along with the whole friends with (occasional) benefits. That’s not what it was meant to be.

      As for the scrapbook, it’s never to late to start. And still being a newlywed, you’re getting in early in the game. 🙂

  6. So beautifully said and a wonderful reminder!

  7. extension128 says:

    Great stuff, Kristy!

    Given how hectic life can be (and such times we are all living in now), it is very easy to forget what (more importantly, who) is important. As a recent newlywed (for the first time), one of my great joys was and still is doing the “little things” to show Lauren how much I love her and to keep our relationship fresh and exciting. What woman doesn’t want to receive flowers @ work for no other reason than “just because”?

    Keep up the great work!


  8. Poignant post, Kristy. I think there’s real beauty in the black and white, love with all your heart mindset of youth. It makes Romeo & Juliet (both teens) very realistic! I do think we should value relationships more than many adults do, but I also think teen girls under-value themselves.

    • Thanks, August. And you couldn’t be more right! I see young girls on my Facebook page who, when their relationships end, post all sorts of depressing,my-life-is-over-without-you things (music, quotes)…and I just want to scream…YOU’RE LUCKY THE JERK IS OUT OF YOUR LIFE! Now go find someone who appreciates you! Someone who values you, respects you, and thinks THEY’RE the lucky one to have you. But they put up with things that break my heart…because they’re desperate to keep immature, selfish, egotistical buttheads…who treat them like disposable girlfriends. It makes me crazy.

  9. Karen McFarland says:

    Ah, here’s the thing Tameri, keep ’em confused! Where is the fun and spice without confusion? Do we really want them to figure us out? LOL! I’ve been married for almost thirty-seven years. You need to switch it up a bit. It keeps our mates interest. We are still a challenge. And what male doesn’t like a challenge? It’s all in a days work. My job is never done!

    Great suggestions as always Kristy! I love your series. Keep them coming! 🙂

    • Sounds like you should start giving advice, Karen. Thirty-eight years! Congratulations…and keep confusing your husband…sounds like it works! 🙂

      And thank you. I’m sure going to try. 🙂

  10. Jennifer says:

    SO TRUE! I think marriage should be a continued courtship, but so much of the time we get caught up with jobs and kids and finances that it just sort of slides. My hubby would also cringe at the thought of a scrapbook, but I might just do it anyway – I can keep him tied up for a few minutes!

    For your last question, I want both! But part of what makes the young-love thrills is just the newness of it, so I don’t really think it’s a lasting thing. But a deeper version of it . . . oh yeah!

    • Hi, Jennifer! Nice to meet you. 🙂

      It is that letting the romance slide because of the jobs, kids, etc…that we need to be so aware of. A great relationship can make all of those other things easier to deal with, but too often, our mate falls too far down on the list of importance.

      Yay on doing the book. While you have the hubby tied up, break out a feather and start tickling his feet. 🙂

  11. Love this, Kristy! I’m going to make up a love scrapbook just like you suggested. This will be fun and give me a chance to view my relationship in the giddy, heady, way a teenage girl would. My poor husband, he’ll be so confused! But that’s part of the awesomeness of it.

    Never settle for just being, always strive for amazing. That’s what I think, anyway.

    • Cool, Tameri! I really think it’s things like this that help keep relationships ‘new.’ LOL about your husband. From what I’ve seen, though, he’ll probably get into it as much as you do. And you’re thinking right. Amazing is always the better way to go! 🙂

  12. mj monaghan says:

    Hey, KK – I didn’t know you like The Avengers. You’ve only mentioned it maybe one, or two-hundred times! 😉

    BTW, did you know it’s called “Marvel Avengers Assemble” in the UK and Ireland? A little trivia for you. It was an awesome movie, I have to agree.

    Great post on not letting the initial bloom wear off. Since I am a romantic, I do try to have those moments of surprise and sentimentality, but as you’ve witnessed, I could possibly have more moments of hilarity (in my own mind, apparently).

    I am still that junior high boy who sends the note one minute and the next I’m pulling your pony tail. hehehe

    • Yeah, I keep meaning to let people know what a great movie that was. Obviously I’ve held back and need to speak up a little more. 😀

      I did not know that it was called Marvel Avengers Assemble. Hmm. I wonder why. Not that I wouldn’t have gone to see it with that title, but ‘The Avengers’ just sounds…better.

      For your information…and this isn’t trivia…humor can be very romantic (as long as it doesn’t include things like this… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYLo88IS9rE (If I’d been that wife, he’d have had a broken nose in a heartbeat). But laughter is always good…and always fun.

      If you’re still that junior high boy…then I’d say your MLB is a lucky lady. 🙂

      • mj monaghan says:

        Ha, I love that clip, but would NEVER have done that to my wife. I honestly hate practical jokes. My kids quickly learned to never scare me.

        • You’re a good husband, MJ. Because only BAD husbands would pull pranks like that. I’m afraid if I’d been the wife in that video, he would have been talking like Elmer Fudd…until his broken nose healed. 🙂

          My son tries to scare me, but rarely succeeds, thank goodness. I don’t like being startled at all. Fortunately I seem to have some sort of radar with him…and it frustrates him to no end.

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