Who remembers their first crush in seventh or eighth grade? What about that first boyfriend or girlfriend? Maybe you were too young to drive, so your parents had to chauffeur you to the movies or roller skating rink. Obviously there wouldn’t be any necking in the car if that was the case, but still… All that mattered is that you were together, and would be for the next few hours. It’s probably safe to say that there will never be another time in our lives that can hold a candle to those exciting weeks with your very first love.
Maybe if we treated other loves like the first one, relationships would be more satisfying.
As we mature, we do hold onto some of the same emotions we experienced back in high school. For a while. But they tend to wane, likely because the relationships last longer. And we’re looking for something different as adults than we were as kids.
But the kids…girls anyway…were on to something.
For the guys who didn’t (and don’t) have a clue… We waited anxiously by the telephone for your call. Our notebooks would have made you run for cover with all of the Romeo loves Juliet doodles. And yes, we would pair our first names with your last names…because we wanted to see how they looked together. Not surprisingly, they were always perfect. There might also have been something about…um…well, we sort of planned to marry you someday.
We wrote in our diaries about everything you did, but only because everything you did was so wonderful. The way you sneezed was even cute. We saved ticket stubs from the theater. That little wildflower you gave us on the way to school? Pressed in a book to preserve forever. And the notes you stuck in our lockers would quickly become tattered from reading them over and over.
When we get older, and the cares of life batter at us every minute of every day, it’s easy to lose sight of the simple things that thrilled us about one another in the beginning. The phone rings, you see it’s the love of your life…and you wonder what they want now. Or you see the socks he or she kicked off by the sofa and you want to wring their neck, even though…at one time…it was a pleasure to pick them up. Okay, so maybe not a pleasure, but it would have taken a whole lot more than that to annoy you.
For many of us, it’s time to take a cue from those girls.
I propose that you invest in a cute scrap book, some colored stationary or index cards…and start chronicling all those date nights you should be having.
Did you take your love to see The Avengers? (If not, you should!) Tape the ticket stubs on one page. Each of you write your thoughts about the evening on a card or paper, whether you went to supper before or after, the fact that you shared a bag of popcorn and a soda, what parts of the movie you each enjoyed the most…and secure it below the stubs.
Do the same for every date you have…whether it’s a walk in the rain, or a weekend at a bed and breakfast. Keep any ‘souvenirs’ that will fit in the book. Doodle like you did in high school. Hearts, flowers, your names linked together.
And then, a few times a year, spend a date night somewhere you can be alone, with some snacks you consider romantic…and look through the scrap book together.
Sometimes we just need to remember how good things are, because it’s so easy to forget in the course of day-to-day living. We can start looking at one another like part of woodwork instead of part of our heart.
Okay, so we’ll ignore some spelling issues in the lyrics. The fact of the matter is, the songwriter knows exactly what our focus should be in a relationship.
Most of us know the difference between being in love, and just loving someone. But a lot of people think that in a relationship, it’s only natural to let go of the ‘being’ in favor of ‘just.’
I respectfully disagree with anyone who is okay with this. Because it’s not okay. If you work at being in love for all of your lives, you’ll always feel that high school, first love excitement whenever you think of your mate. Whenever they call, whenever you see them, whenever you’re with them.
So tell me… Which way is the better way? Part of the woodwork, or the ‘be still my heart’ kind of love you felt in the beginning. I know which one I would choose…do you?
See you next week for a new tip.
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If you think that any of the suggested tips are a good fit for you, and you decide to give them a try, I’d love to know if you got the results you hoped for. Although I can’t guarantee you’ll get any results, most people respond well to sweetness, consideration and attention. Just remember, you will need to exercise some patience, and be consistent. Anything worth having usually requires effort.
***Photo Credit Beverly Nault