Dear Santa…

Bad Santa

…I’m all done trying to be good. Seriously. When I was a kid, I got most everything I wanted, and we both know I didn’t have mile-long lists either. But this whole grownup Christmas list stuff sucks.

Five things, Santa. Five items on my Christmas list…and you didn’t come through on a single one of them. Getting a little old are we, big guy? Is the magic not working like it used to in the good old days? And just so you have an entire year’s notice this time…here it is…again.

First… One alien abduction. You know who needs the lifetime vacation in outer space, so I won’t post the name publicly. Wouldn’t want to give them any advance warning spoil the surprise.

Second, and this could probably count as one…count ’em one…lumped together as one gift. I’m going to say it r.e.a.l.l.y slow so that you don’t have any trouble getting it through that thick skull of yours there’s no misunderstanding.

Jeffrey. Dean. Morgan.

Bruce. Willis.

Robert. Downey. Junior.

The. Guy. From. P.S. I. Love. You. And don’t give me any flack about this one. It’s the guy with the accent. Not Jeffrey Dean Morgan. He was using a fake accent in the movie. The one I want is the guy with the real Scottish accent who just used a fake Irish accent.

Got it now? It’s pretty simple, so don’t screw up again. You’re starting to annoy me.

***Photo Credit: Lynn Kelley (insulting graffiti…um…hmm…I couldn’t really say)

Yay! This was my 300th post!  🙂

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