When Thor and Debra Kristi were scheduling his world tour last fall, you better believe I got my name on the list. I mean really…who wouldn’t open their door to play hostess to him for a few days?
I wasn’t sure exactly when he’d arrive, and was almost beside myself when I finally heard he was heading in this direction.
First I’d like to say that I was impressed with the clever way he chose to travel. No one would be looking for a Norse God – such as Thor – to move from place to place in a little cardboard box. But it was the perfect choice. When you’re as handsome, sexy, and famous as he is, you do what you have to so you’re not constantly mobbed. Besides, postage is a whole lot cheaper than gas or plane fares…
For as excited as I was about getting to meet the awesome guy with the hammer, Thor struck me as being just a little blasé about everything. That is until he realized I live smack in the middle of the country…and that there were were quite a few cattle in the field across the road. Quickly searching out the largest bull, he raised his trusty hammer and said…
“I see you have provided for the evening meal, in honor of my visit. Where is your pit of fire located?”
It took some fast talking on my part, but I managed to convince him there was plenty of meat in the freezer, and that my gas grill would turn out a meal as tasty as any cooked over a fire-filled hole in the ground.
With one last longing glance at the cows, Thor followed me in the house where he greeted my son enthusiastically, then immediately decided he would like to check out my writer’s den – after meeting “Jasper, the Devil Cat” and “Jack, the Giant Pit Bull.”
When he realized my office is technically a large alcove off the back hall, he thoughtfully suggested I move my desk to the bedroom…where I could close the door to shut out distractions like the television (and probably evil felines and hungry dogs)
For as nervous as Jack made him though, it was another member of the household that scared the snot right out of our hero. Take a look…
Yes, Barbie, or ‘the future Mrs. Thor,’ as she introduced herself, had this muscle-bound fellow climbing my cork board the moment he saw her wearing white and carrying a bouquet. A little concerned that he would cause lightening to blow the roof off my house, I told Barbie she should call and make arrangements for the wedding.
While she was on hold waiting for the minister, I also convinced her that if they were going to be married the next day, it was imperative Thor to be fitted for a tuxedo – immediately. Realizing I was trying to save him, Thor quickly jumped on board with the plan, pointing out that she had ruined her flowers while trying to jerk him off the rope. We could pick up more while we were out, he promised.
Being a bit of an airhead, Barbie agreed, and I was able to get him out of the house and into the van without delay. Poor Thor was shaking and pale, and kept asking when the mail god’s chariot would arrive to whisk him away to his next destination.
Since that wouldn’t be until around noon the next day, and he’d lost his appetite for steak…mostly because the steak was in the freezer in the house (which was where Barbie was on the phone with the minister)…we decided to head to town so he could check out this thing called ‘fast food’ he’d heard tales of.
We hadn’t driven but a mile when my cell phone rang, scaring Thor again.
Barbie phoned to say she’d arranged to have the wedding at five o’clock the next morning. Because I had her on speakerphone, Thor heard every word. Before I realized what was happening, he raised his hammer to break the passenger window, insisting that he would walk to the next location, no matter that California was a long way from Michigan.
Cutting the call short, I assured him that there would be no wedding without his consent, and he settled down, my window still intact.
After supper, Thor spent a long, cold night in the van.
When the mail god’s chariot arrived, Thor bid me
good riddance farewell, and asked me to phone Debra to make sure none of Barbie’s female relatives were living at Tameri’s house.
And so Thor is gone, having not enjoyed his stay at my house at all. Barbie? Well she’s more than a little heartbroken. She is, however, comforting herself with a few of her favorite things….a king size chocolate bar and an expensive bottle of wine…as she watches The Avengers over and over again. Now she’s wondering if Robert Downey Jr. might come and visit next. If he does, I’m feeding her to the cows across the street. Robert Downey Jr. is mine, you little twit!
Thanks so much, Debra, for sharing Thor with us. It was truly an honor to meet him. 🙂
Be sure to check out Thor’s World Tour page over at Debra’s blog to find out what our hunky hero has been up to on his other stops.