When I’m bored, I like to
waste spend time visiting sites like DYAC, and websites like DumbLaws.com, which is where I’ve been tonight. Not only that, but I wrote some down to share with all of you. If you want the complete lists, click on the link above. I don’t advise too many people to check out DYAC because some of the language there is pretty strong.
Hope you get a chuckle from these.
No peanuts are to be sold in Lee County after the sun sets on Wednesdays.
You may not flick boogers into the wind. (Thank God someone is looking out for us!)
No pushing a live moose out of a moving airplane.
You may not live in a trailer while it’s being hauled across town.
It is against the law to make imitation cocaine.
It is illegal to hunt camels.
The Arkansas River is prohibited from higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock. (can’t wait to see how they enforce that law)
No walking of one’s cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday.
California prison workers can’t have sex with inmates anymore.
Vehicles without drivers may not exceed 60 miles per hour. (whew!)
If the dog catcher is going to impound a dog, he must notify the dog by posting a notice on a tree in the city park. He must also post a notice on a public road that runs through the park. For three consecutive days.
No firing of catapults at buildings.
No keeping of town records in establishments where liquor is sold.
Hand walkers are not allowed to cross streets.
No whispering in church. (if you’ve got a complaint about the sermon, make sure everyone can hear)
No alcohol is to be served if dancing is occurring on the premises at the same time.
Sorry, but it’s against the law to sell your children. (But can we RENT them out???)
No farting in public places after 6 P. (then I would make sure to confine my visits to public places to evenings only!)
Massage businesses may not sell alcohol on the side.
No 2 for 1 sales on beers.
Drinking? Make sure you don’t have more than one in front of you at a time.
Feeling like you need to stick some dimes in your ear? Don’t do it…
Going fishing? Make sure you dismount your camels and giraffes before casting the line in the water.
No camping on city sidewalks.
Want to drink but aren’t quite old enough to do so? Just enroll in a culinary program and you’re golden.
I almost didn’t include this one…but it’s a good law… Need to tinkle? The neighbor’s MOUTH is not the place to do so. (I don’t even want to know why a law needed to be made for that)
Don’t try to take a bath between October and March…it’s against the law. (Heading south from Michigan, I’d advise going through Ohio)
If you’re going to cross the highway after dark – on foot – you are prohibited from wearing tail lights. (
Guys…if you have a mustache, don’t try to kiss a woman in public.
Again, guys, if you don’t know a woman, you’d best not be winking at her.
While you can’t do this in Indiana, wearing tail lights when crossing a highway at night is required.
If there are two trains on the same track – and heading in opposite directions (meaning on a collision course) – they must both stop until the other has passed. (I’m still scratching my head over how that might work. Something else that makes me scratch my head is that a lot of states have this same law).
If you want to die ducks blue and then sell them, you have to sell at least six at a time.
Car molesting dogs are prohibited.
Want to prank a friend by sending pizza? Better have $500 to pay the fine.
It’s okay to feed garbage to hogs…as long as you cook it first. (yay…more dishes to wash)
Want to take a walk during a flight? It’s illegal do step out of the plane to do it.
No ‘expectorating’ from second floor windows. (I had to Google this one. Yup. It meant what I thought. Now I’m going to go throw up)
Been hankering to see the movie downtown? Better leave your lion at home.
No swearing on the highways. (wonder how many people drive on side streets now?)
There is a limit of 3 sandwiches at a wake.
Gorillas aren’t allowed in the backseat of your vehicle. (maybe they could drive instead)
Guys…if you want to scowl at your wives, you can only do it Monday through Saturday.
In case you find an abandoned hooped skirt, you better not toss it in the street or on a sidewalk, or you’ll be paying a $5.00 fine. And it specifies for EACH offense. (gotta wonder how many abandoned hooped skirts are scattered around Grand Haven)
If you’re leaving Minnesota for Wisconsin…take the chicken off your head first.
You can’t land a plane in a city park. (not even if there’s a really long sidewalk?)
Need a shave? Don’t do it in the middle of Main Street.
Guys…if you’re going to try to seduce a woman, don’t promise to marry her.
While clotheslines are not allowed, you can dry your clothes on fences instead.
It is unlawful to give alcoholic beverages to your elephant. (good law…who wants drunk elephant staggering around?)
Chaperones are required if you’re going to have a sheep in the cab of your pickup truck. (I don’t even want to know why this law was put on the books…but I can guess why the next one was)
Bombs and rockets are banned from city council meetings.
Bar owners may not sell beer unless they have a pot of soup simmering on the stove.
Whale fishing is illegal in Nebraska.
Wondering where to put that bench? Forget the middle of any street.
No lying down on sidewalks either.
You must attach a feces gathering device on your cattle if there’s a chance they might cross state roads. (I think it would be easier to just build a fence)
No ‘maintaining national forests’ without first obtaining a permit.
If you’re going to commit a murder, you are prohibited from wearing a bullet proof vest.
If it’s fishing season, men, you cannot knit.
Idiots are not allowed to vote… (wow…and just exactly how do they determine that?)
Ladies…if you’re unshaven, don’t bother going out in public. (in other words, get rid of that mustache)
Walking around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in your pocket is not allowed. (NO problem!)
While it’s okay for a woman to be topless in public – as long as she’s not doing it business reasons, she cannot wear body hugging clothes. (this is actually from two different laws)
If you’re going to steal grease, make sure it’s not valued at over $999.00, cause if it’s over $1,000.00, it’s a felony.
If you can’t carry a tune, don’t sing. It’s the law.
No lying down and sleeping with your shoes on.
Wearing a white hat while dancing…or even having one on where anyone is dancing (even if you are not), could mean jail time for you.
Thinking of walking a cow down Lake Road in Bay Village? Just so you know, it’s illegal.
You may not install…or USE…slot machines in outhouses. (I can’t imagine why anyone would want to)
Bar owners are prohibited from allowing people to pretend to have sex with a buffalo while inside the building.
It’s illegal to read comic books while driving. (what about a Stephen King novel?)
It’s illegal to transport infants on the running boards of your vehicles. (people actually did this?!)
Unless you’re wearing suitable clothing, you may not bathe. (might as well do the laundry too, right?)
Housewives may not hide dirt or dust under rugs in their homes. (busted!)
If you’re driving down the road and see a team of horses coming your way, you must pull off the road, cover your vehicle with something that matches the countryside, and wait for the horses to pass you before continuing on your way. (guess I’ll have to invest in a countryside matching blanket if I ever visit Pennsylvania, huh?)
It is illegal to bite the leg off another person. (there goes tomorrow’s dinner plans…)
You cannot water your garden, plants or your lawn on even-numbered days.
You may fire a missile…but only if you obtain a permit to do so.
At certain intersections, you must stop your vehicle well away from it…and fire a gun to warn horse traffic that you’re there.
The Fountain Inn will not allow horses inside unless they’re wearing pants.
No napping in cheese factories.
You can’t shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.
It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.
You may not sell your eye.
You can’t milk cows that don’t belong to you.
Okay…so here’s another one…Criminals must notify victims 24 hours – in writing, or orally – to let them know what crime they will be committing.
You are not allowed to detonate a nuclear weapon. (guess I need to find another hobby for when I’m bored)
As long as the hubby is watching her, he is responsible for every criminal act his wife commits.
If you live in Barre, you WILL bathe on Saturday nights.
Husbands must provide written permission in order for their wives to wear false teeth.
You may not bribe anyone…except candidates. (so this is where it started)
In case you ever thought this was a good idea…no parking on railroad tracks.
Harassing Bigfoot is considered a felony. (shoot…spoil all my fun)
A man carrying a red flag during during the day (or a red lantern after dark) must walk 50 feet in front of all motor vehicles.
A $1.00 fine will be charged every time someone cusses in public (cities would never have budget problems if this law was enforced!)
Dead animal on the side of the road? It’s totally okay to pick it up, take it home, and cook it for supper.
You better have a Master Cheese Maker’s license if you’re going to be making Limburger cheese, cause a regular chees maker’s license just won’t do.
The only way you can have a tattoo is if it’s for ‘medical’ purposes. (in case you lose the bracelet?)
You need an official permit to photograph rabbits from January to April.
Ladies, you may drink…but it’s illegal for you to stand within five feet of a bar while doing so.
Some of these are from cities, and some are statewide laws, but I’m betting most of them aren’t enforced anymore. 🙂