Thank goodness I remembered I have a ‘drafts’ folder…and found this right near the top. Apparently I wrote it a couple of months ago – then forgot all about it. Anyway…
I’ve blogged about my daughter’s dating life off and on for a couple of years now, but have neglected to give my son equal time in that category. Yes, even though he’s autistic, he’s had a couple of girlfriends.
The first one was an obnoxious young lady that I didn’t care much for, however … I wasn’t ‘dating’ her, so I kept my mouth shut – even when she talked about getting married and having babies. While my son thinks babies are cute, sometimes, I knew his goals were vastly different so I wasn’t worried.
A couple of months later, I noticed that CJ was doing a lot of pacing and muttering to himself, things he does when he’s stressed. When it continued for a couple of days, I asked if there was something bothering him, and he said he didn’t think he wanted a girlfriend anymore. (yes!!!) He wasn’t sure what to do though, so I told him if that’s really how he felt, he should probably break up with her.
The next day, one of the teachers called me to let me know there had been quite a scene in class. Apparently something was lost in the translation because CJ told all of his classmates that he didn’t have a girlfriend anymore. Problem was, he neglected to let the girlfriend in on the secret – and she didn’t take it well.
Fast forward a few months to girlfriend number two. I did like this girl. In fact, her mother was a good friend of my sister.
I stand about five feet, four inches tall. CJ is a couple of inches shorter than I am. This girl made us both look abnormally short, still they made a cute couple. But several weeks later, the pacing and muttering started up again. This time I had a good idea what was wrong, though he wasn’t quite as quick to share what was on his mind.
It took a bit of coaxing but he finally admitted he didn’t think he wanted a girlfriend at that point in his life. So I went through the whole breakup spiel one more time, stressing that he needed to tell the girl first – before mentioning it to anyone else.
Well… On second thought, he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to breakup with her. A little more conversation revealed that he was afraid she would beat him up.
I challenge anyone reading this to keep a straight face when you hear a confession like that. It’s not easy, but I managed to…barely. And after a little more talking, and me promising to call the teacher first thing in the morning to help with the problem, he went to bed a happy camper.
Fully expecting the teacher to laugh along with me when I made the call, I was a little dismayed to learn that this girl had a reputation…for beating up boys who broke up with her. No wonder CJ was so scared. Yikes!
Needless to say, he hasn’t been interested in dating anyone since.
Did you ever have trouble ending a relationship?
I used to tease my step sons, they would date these girls, break up and a year or two down the line start talking about dating the same girl again. I used to tell them all the time they needed to quit fishing in the same pond. That there was a reason they had caught and released such and such girl and did they really want to “catch” them again if they’d had to throw them back once already….what did they think had changed since the last time?
I think I’d swap with you on this one though, one DSS makes up his mind and he’s done and we move on. The other agonizes and talks and gives it another chance and agonizes and talks, repeat, repeat. Last time his Dad told him he was done talking to him about it. Either do something or go find someone else’s ear to talk off.
Hey, Kathie…
At least I got to this one a little quicker than the other ones…November is flying by way too fast!
I love the part about not fishing in the same pond. That’s good advice! Sounds like DSS #1 knows the right way to date. When you break it off, you’re finished. I might go for ONE do-over, but that’s it. Sounds like DSS #2 is too soft hearted for his own good though. Some people don’t deserve a second, third, fourth, etc… chance. Hopefully he’ll realize that there really is someone special just for him and stop trying to make it work with the wrong ones. 🙂