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15 Comments

  1. breeanaputtroff
    October 24, 2011 @ 4:41 am

    I love this post, Kristy! And I love the ideas you have about what ‘romantic’ is, because it’s definitely so much more than flowers and presents (trust me, when my ex calls me up once or twice a year trying to get me to see him because he has a birthday/assorted holiday present for me, I find nothing romantic about it, especially because he’s the father of my child and he may or may not ever bring her into the conversation).

    Love that Alan Jackson video. Though my personal favorite on this concept is “Just Another Day in Paradise” by Phil Vasar.

    Reply

  2. Kristy K. James
    October 24, 2011 @ 4:57 am

    Thanks, Breeana. Guys just never seem to get it, do they? At least not any I’ve ever known. Maybe that’s why I enjoy writing romance novels because I can ‘make’ the heroes the way I wish most men were. Gifts can be nice, depending on the reason (your ex doesn’t have a good enough reason from the sounds of it!). But it’s the investment of time, the little, considerate things that add up over time, and mostly the affection matter the most.

    I like the song you mentioned, by the way. This one just gives me chills when I really take the time to listen to the words. I think he wrote it after he and his wife separated for awhile, and it’s so on the mark about a couple that have been through years together, struggled, and finally realized what they mean to one another. The fact that Alan Jackson sings it…just icing on the cake! 🙂

    Reply

  3. Kristy K. James
    October 24, 2011 @ 4:58 am

    Oh…I meant to add, NOT considering your children as important definitely falls on the NOT ROMANTIC side of the list. Sounds like your ex needs to figure that out!

    Reply

  4. breeanaputtroff
    October 24, 2011 @ 5:32 am

    I totally agree about your song. 🙂 And about the fact that it is just the little things that add up over time. It’s what you do on Tuesday that makes what you do on Valentine’s Day count.

    And no, my ex absolutely does not get it, at all. I’m not sure he ever will. But hey, I got a fantastic kid out of the deal, and, aside from the occasional phone call near holidays or during the five or six days he’s in the middle of holding down a job, he doesn’t even interfere with us. 🙂

    Reply

  5. Kristy K. James
    October 24, 2011 @ 6:16 am

    I really like that…it’s what you do on Tuesday that makes what you do on Valentine’s Day count. A little box of conversation hearts would be romantic, if the rest of the year was filled with the little things.

    Your ex sounds like he needs to have someone smack him upside the head and knock a few brain cells loose. From what I’m learning, he’s losing out on a great woman, and forever ruining his relationship with his daughter!

    Reply

  6. asraidevin
    October 24, 2011 @ 7:06 pm

    Picking things up at the store, helping get the children in bed, making the juice, setting up his coffee for the morning or making his lunch. We’ve been together 10 years and it’s making each other’s days just a little easier and spending time together. It’s easy for me to just spend the evening on the computer while he vegs infront of the TV or vice versa.

    Reply

    • Kristy K. James
      October 24, 2011 @ 7:52 pm

      You’re right, Asrai. It’s all of the little things added together. When someone can only get into big gestures and ignores the little things, that’s when the problems start. Sounds like you and your husband have a good thing together. 🙂

      Reply

  7. Lena Corazon
    October 25, 2011 @ 8:00 am

    Oooh, what a question! I’ve been single for almost a year, but my best times with my ex were the ones we spent together cuddling and being silly home-bodies. Presents are nice, but romance ties in with a guy who’s considerate and caring. My dad’s like this — he privileges action over words. He’d give any of us the shirt off his back if we needed it, no questions asked, and for me, that’s the ideal sort of guy that I’d love to find. 😀

    There are so many songs that I love (and that Alan Jackson one is wonderful). Babyface’s “Soon As I Get Home” articulates the storybook “romance” scenario (for straight women, anyway), as he promises his girl that he’ll “buy her clothes, cook her dinner, and pay her rent.” Edwin McCain’s “I’ll Be” still makes my heart clench a little, over a decade since the song came out — it’s one that’ll never get old. I really love John Legend’s “Ordinary People,” though, because I think it gets at the heart of how hard and difficult, and yet beautiful, love can be.

    Great post, Kristy!

    Reply

    • Kristy K. James
      October 25, 2011 @ 8:16 am

      Thanks! And those ARE the best times. I’d rather have attention and spend time being silly home-bodies than flowers or a sweater. Your dad sounds a lot like my dad was. He wasn’t perfect, and I wouldn’t want some of his character flaws in a man, but most of them, because he was such a kind and caring man. It’s been eight years and I still miss him every day.

      I don’t recognize the titles of the songs you mention, which doesn’t mean I don’t know them (I’m just bad at remembering titles). I’ll have to check them out on YouTube after I get a little sleep. Thanks for stopping by, Lena. 🙂

      Reply

  8. Coleen Patrick
    October 25, 2011 @ 5:17 pm

    For me other than being considerate (i love that) it’s just being together, anywhere where we can be relaxed and happy. Whether it’s sitting on the couch watching our favorite tv show or at a table for two at a restaurant.
    Doesn’t have to be in Italy or one of those fancy huts over the water in Fiji.
    Although that would be awesome 🙂
    Great post!

    Reply

    • Kristy K. James
      October 25, 2011 @ 5:49 pm

      Thanks, Coleen! Together is what counts. As long as you are together. Sometimes you can be in the same room with someone and still feel completely alone. Just being there for one another is what’s important…and it doesn’t matter if it’s on your sofa or in Italy or Fiji. 🙂

      Reply

  9. CJ
    October 26, 2011 @ 4:24 am

    i wish my dad would read this

    Reply

  10. Littlecalilady
    February 28, 2012 @ 2:08 am

    I want to dance in the rain. I know it seems goofy but to just stand out there and let the rain pour down and just the two of us dancing. no music but whats in our heads. Then a movie with a fire.

    Reply

    • Kristy K. James...Living, Loving, Laughing
      February 28, 2012 @ 2:33 am

      I don’t think it seems goofy at all. In fact, it fits right in with my idea of a perfect romantic day or evening. Romance, true romance, includes sweet moments like dancing in the rain, or sitting by a cozy fire watching a movie you both enjoy. Thanks for dropping by, Littlecalilady. 🙂

      Reply

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