Sex and Romance…NOT the Same Thing

Okay, so welcome back. This week I  decided that we needed to tackle an important issue…because I know this subject causes a great deal of confusion. And let me tell you, not getting it right can cause major problems in a relationship.

Especially in the bedroom.

Like it or not, if you want a great sex life, you need to make sure you don’t neglect this extremely important area. Something you need to address long before you slip between the sheets.

Most warm-blooded creatures liked to be touched…especially creatures of the human variety. Look at Jasper (above). He’s only a cat, but he’s in heaven right now-because he’s being touched.

But back to the humans. A gentle caress, an affectionate kiss on the forehead, or soft touch of any kind is one way you can be romantic – as opposed to blatant sexual advances and groping. Yes, it’s good that you want your Romeo or Juliet, but you need to remember they’re more than just a body. They have emotional needs that you need to be willing to nurture. If every touch from you is of a sexual nature, it can be big turn off.

Guys…want to earn some major brownie points in the romance department? Slow dancing is the perfect way to take touching to a whole new level. Pop in a CD filled with her favorite love songs. Then light the candles you set around the room earlier, turn the lights off and…you’ll be Juliet’s white knight.

You must meet his or her emotional needs if you expect your physical needs to be met.

Invest in romance like you do in stocks

Both take patience before you start to see a return. At least they do most of the time. A great sex life is the profit that comes from emotional investments. But know this…  If your main goal is to reap the benefits, then you’ll probably be unhappy with the results.

That said, take every opportunity to touch your sweetheart in affectionate, non-sexual ways this week. Tender caresses, hand-holding, hugs. Any physical contact that says you care is fine.

If you’d like to be notified when the next post is available, go ahead and enter your email address in the upper right-hand corner. Thanks for stopping by!


If you think that any of the suggested tips are a good fit for you, and you decide to give them a try, I’d love to know if you got the results you hoped for. Although I can’t guarantee you’ll get any results, most people respond well to sweetness, consideration and attention.

If there’s a particular issue you’d like advice about, but don’t want to mention it in the comments, please feel free to email me at:

Like Be the first one who likes this post!
This entry was posted in Romance. Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Sex and Romance…NOT the Same Thing

  1. Lynn Kelley says:

    You nailed it in this post, Kristy. I completely agree. Well done!

  2. I wouldn’t know… I’m a virgin.

    Okay, just kidding….


  3. Emma says:

    Sometimes the nicest kiss is simply when your boyfriend kisses your forehead. There is something tender about that.

  4. when I left a long term marriage, i made sure to have weekly massages, because I knew how important touch is to each of us. great post Kristy. nice changes

  5. Karen McFarland says:

    Excellent post Kristy! A physical relationship can be so much more if we are willing to put the effort into it. And it doesn’t just happen in the bedroom. Romance can mean different things to different people. I think it is quite sexy when my husband does the dishes or offers to clean the floors. It doesn’t spark the same reaction as a slow dance, but it speaks boatloads about how he feels about me and that he doesn’t take me for granted. I will say this, my man finds the same things romantic that I do. He loves to hold my hand. He loves eating dinner by candlelight, slow dancing and he’s a great kisser. I got a great package and that’s why we’ve been together for decades.

    P.S. I hope you received my reply to your comment this week through email. I really appreciated your input. You were not alone in your thoughts on that subject. Thanks for your support Kristy! Have a great weekend! 🙂

    • Thanks, Karen.Your husband sounds like a very wonderful man. I think we’d all like a clone of him, please. 🙂

      You are so right about romance meaning different things. I’m weird enough that I’d find it romantic to have my hair brushed. Don’t ask why I like that, because I don’t know. I just do. Unfortunately the only time that happens is when I’m around little kids. That’s nice, but not terribly romantic. And one time it was downright awful. Voice of experience here…if you have waist length hair…NEVER let a 4 year old near it with a round brush. That was one of the reasons I wound up having about six inches cut off, lol.

      I think most things that qualify as romantic aren’t things that people tend to think of right off the bat. It’s not the flowers, candy and other gifts…it’s always going to be the little things. At least for me.

  6. mj monaghan says:

    KK, great post. Excellent advice. Touch is very important to a lot of people. Have you read Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages? It goes into a lot of what gets romance going. Here’s the link to his website. Apparently he’s got quite a few more books out now.

    • Thanks, MJ. 🙂

      I have heard of the book, and even took the quiz on his site once (not surprisingly, I scored highest in touch, although at the time I thought people could easily manipulate the outcome). I’ll have to check. At this point, my advice is based on what I would like, as well as conversations with other women. It wouldn’t hurt to learn more about what guys consider romantic. Probably pizza and a football marathon minus the nagging (kidding!). 🙂

  7. asraidevin says:

    Love it. I love the new log line as well. 🙂 Great advice.

    Sex is a great part of romance. But without romance, sex is just … physical gratification.

Leave a Reply