I used to love a show called Sue Thomas, F.B.Eye, but I loved the theme song even more.
I really like the fact that the woman in the song knows exactly who she is…and she isn’t afraid to let the world know it. She’s obviously not perfect. She has strengths and weaknesses – just like the rest of us – and she isn’t afraid to put it out there for all of us to hear. She knows who she is.
How many of us know that about ourselves? I mean really know who we are?
Or I didn’t. I spent much of my life trying to be the person I thought I should be.
When you’re trying to force two versions of yourself to live in one body, it’s gets kind of crowded – and it can be a real pain to keep the ‘defective’ one hidden away. Every time the real me tried to break loose, I’d shove her back where she belonged, much like someone trying stuff more junk into an already too full closet, and then I’d stand in front of the door, blocking it in case she tried to escape again.
The funny thing is, I’d gotten so good at keeping her prisoner, sometimes I wasn’t sure who the real me was anymore. And sometimes I wondered why I tried so hard to hide her. Then one day I realized I’m the same as most everyone else in the world.
I was afraid. If I let her out, would people like her? More importantly, would they love her?
Then one day, I kind of decided I didn’t care. I got better about it about letting the
monster real me out. I kept her on a short leash, and still do. Maybe I always will. And maybe someday I’ll meet someone I feel safe enough with to let her run free. Who knows? Not me, that’s for sure.
This all came to mind because of a recent conversation. I tried to tell someone that they needed to stop trying to pretend to be someone they’re not (ignoring the fact that the pot was calling the kettle black). And that got me thinking about everyone else who does the same thing we’re both guilty of.
Then I wondered why. Do we decide, at some point in our lives, that who we are is lacking? Is it because someone inadvertently made us feel ‘less than?’ Is it just normal, and everyone on the planet does the same thing?
I don’t know. What do you think? How much of the real you do you allow people to see?
Psst! Did you hear about my new secret group on Facebook? It’s so secret you won’t be able to find it no matter how hard you look. In fact, the only people who will find it are those who have subscribed to my newsletter (http://kristykjames.net/newsletter/), and who send me an email or Facebook message letting me know they’d like to join. That way I can send an email invitation.
Why a secret group? I thought it would be a fun place to just chat and get to know one another. Yes, I’m a teenager at heart. I’ve always liked the secret clubhouse kind of thing. They always seemed so mysterious and exclusive.
Psst again. Did you know that you can get The Daddy Pact, Someday…Maybe, and The Romance Manifesto free at these fine online bookstores? Amazon.com, iTunes Bookstore, and Barnes & Noble.
I do and don’t care what people think. I want to keep a certain profile because I always keep the big picture in mind – i.e. work related, author profile. Other than that, I tend to agree with Tameri for the most part. It still hurts when people cut you down or think poorly of you, no matter how much you try to deny it. I think it’s human nature. Life is too short to dwell on those things, though. So I don’t sweat it too much.
I’m glad you are feeling good about the decision you made. I hope things continue on a true and steady course and nothing is done to derail it. Fingers crossed.
Hey, I read my newsletter, can I get in to secret group? 😉 You’re such a teenager. LOL.
Yeah, I work pretty hard to behave myself online, too. Not that I’m a bad person or anything, but I try to use my company manners. And you’re right…life is WAY too short. LOL…I’m keeping my fingers crossed, too. And I sent you an invitation to the secret group. 🙂
I think the older we get, the less we care what others think. At least that’s true for me. I’m kind, but I drop the F-bomb like a sailor. I believe in God (whether a male or female, not sure yet), but I don’t believe in organize religion, I love sparkly things and wear glitter eyeliner even though I’m far too old to get away with it. I don’t care, it makes me happy! That’s kind of where I am right now. If it makes me happy and doesn’t hurt anyone, then I say go for it. As long as your inner monster is a kind beastie, let her out for walks. If she wants to rip out people’s throats and eat their hearts for breakfast, well maybe you need to work on that a bit. Train her to eat some raw steak, maybe :).
I bet she’s beautiful, just like the person you show the world right now. She has to be because she’s you. Right?
I know in a lot of ways I don’t care what anyone thinks of me anymore. I’ve gotten so far beyond the clique-y junior high stuff, but I still try to keep the monster hidden. She’s the one who wants to smack rude people with her shopping cart, and yell out the window, IT’S A STOP SIGN, NOT A PARKING SPOT! And who woke up on the wrong side of the bed today because she didn’t get enough sleep-and was ornery most of the day. She’s also the one who gets scared, depressed sometimes, and sad. And she’s the one I don’t let out often (except at stop signs 😉 ).
Like you I have some of the language going on, though I try to control it. I also believe in God but can’t get into the eye liner, sparkly or not, lol. Of course I hate all makeup. I could get into a tiara though, when Prince Charming gets his butt in gear and knocks on the door. I’d say ‘rides up on a horse,’ but the last time I tried to get on one, I fell off the other side.
Anyway, thanks. I was thinking about the ‘real’ me when I was advising someone else about being more real…and realized I’m the last one to be giving that advice. 🙂