I used to love a show called Sue Thomas, F.B.Eye, but I loved the theme song even more.
I really like the fact that the woman in the song knows exactly who she is…and she isn’t afraid to let the world know it. She’s obviously not perfect. She has strengths and weaknesses – just like the rest of us – and she isn’t afraid to put it out there for all of us to hear. She knows who she is.
How many of us know that about ourselves? I mean really know who we are?
Or I didn’t. I spent much of my life trying to be the person I thought I should be.
When you’re trying to force two versions of yourself to live in one body, it’s gets kind of crowded – and it can be a real pain to keep the ‘defective’ one hidden away. Every time the real me tried to break loose, I’d shove her back where she belonged, much like someone trying stuff more junk into an already too full closet, and then I’d stand in front of the door, blocking it in case she tried to escape again.
The funny thing is, I’d gotten so good at keeping her prisoner, sometimes I wasn’t sure who the real me was anymore. And sometimes I wondered why I tried so hard to hide her. Then one day I realized I’m the same as most everyone else in the world.
I was afraid. If I let her out, would people like her? More importantly, would they love her?
Then one day, I kind of decided I didn’t care. I got better about it about letting the
monster real me out. I kept her on a short leash, and still do. Maybe I always will. And maybe someday I’ll meet someone I feel safe enough with to let her run free. Who knows? Not me, that’s for sure.
This all came to mind because of a recent conversation. I tried to tell someone that they needed to stop trying to pretend to be someone they’re not (ignoring the fact that the pot was calling the kettle black). And that got me thinking about everyone else who does the same thing we’re both guilty of.
Then I wondered why. Do we decide, at some point in our lives, that who we are is lacking? Is it because someone inadvertently made us feel ‘less than?’ Is it just normal, and everyone on the planet does the same thing?
I don’t know. What do you think? How much of the real you do you allow people to see?
Psst! Did you hear about my new secret group on Facebook? It’s so secret you won’t be able to find it no matter how hard you look. In fact, the only people who will find it are those who have subscribed to my newsletter (http://kristykjames.net/newsletter/), and who send me an email or Facebook message letting me know they’d like to join. That way I can send an email invitation.
Why a secret group? I thought it would be a fun place to just chat and get to know one another. Yes, I’m a teenager at heart. I’ve always liked the secret clubhouse kind of thing. They always seemed so mysterious and exclusive.