Time For a Little Honesty

depressed-window-view-1081788_1920-pixabayAnd I mostly need to be honest with myself.

It took a long talk with author CC Mackenzie to open my eyes to what I’ve been doing for the past year and a half. What might that be? To put it simply, I’ve been lying to myself. Telling myself I want to write this book, or that book … when all I’ve really been doing is trying to ‘write to market’ which, as I understand it, is writing what I think will sell the best.

I never used to do that, but with Amazon’s introduction of Kindle Unlimited in 2014, a lot of authors – myself included – found our royalties dropping dramatically. So what better way to counteract that than to write stories that should sell well?

Wrong.

I’ve blamed my lack of new books on my thyroid. Yes, I’m always tired because of hypothyroidism – but I’ve have been for a long time … even when I was publishing 4-6 books and novellas a year. I’ve blamed it on having less time since my daughter and the baby moved in back in January – except the baby sleeps and naps enough that I do have time.

CC suggested I look back over our messages and I’d see what my real problem is. It’s not being too tired. It isn’t that I don’t have enough time. Nope. Much as I might be trying to fool myself that it is, the real problem is far more simple, something another friend pointed out several months ago.

My heart hasn’t been in the stories I’ve been trying to write.

I’ve been ignoring what I want to write in favor of what I think will sell the best. And it’s just not working. I haven’t been enjoying it because writing has become a chore I avoid rather than something I love to do. I’m not saying I won’t write the stories that are partially completed because I’m 99% sure I will. Someday. I just can’t do them right now.

So I’m going to take a little time to decide what I want to write (which will hopefully also sell!). My only plan at the moment is to work more on the Weko Harbor story. It’s the only story I’ve been enthused about for more than a year, yet I put it on the back burner because I was in the middle of a few others. Others that I can’t seem to get written. Very smart decision, Kristy.

Not.

So while I’m busy working on that, I’m going to go through the other partially completed manuscripts and see if anything sparks a little interest. Anything that doesn’t will go into a special file while I focus on what does.

I really, truly want to enjoy writing again – and this is the only way that’s going to happen. So I’m going to thank you all in advance for toughing this out with me.

By now, you all know I love music. Music from a variety of genres. With all of the different choices out there, only one keeps coming to mind tonight. I’ve already kind of adopted it as my theme song for continuing to search for ways to overcome hypothyroidism, but then I realized it also has meaning for this conundrum.

I’m taking back the joy I’ve always found in writing. I don’t care about the things some people say, I’m going to do what I’ve always done. Until about eighteen months ago anyway. I’m going to write what I want to write. Yes, there are those who look down their noses at romance writers (and readers), but I don’t care. I’m not going to try to ‘class up’ the stories I have to tell just to make a highfalutin group of people happy. The only people I’m going to worry about are me – and all of you.

 

Photo credit: Pixabay.com

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