It seems like every time I turn around these days progress, or the economy, is killing off more of my childhood.  Places guaranteed to trigger memories of things that happened while I was growing up are closing down, being remodeled to use as something else, or being bulldozed to make room for something else entirely.

When I was four, my family lived close to a huge General Motors complex.  My baby sister would have been about two years old during the time we lived there and one morning, while she was using the second floor bathroom…the lock jammed.  Dad was at work so an uncle brought a ladder to free the captive.

As an adult I realize it probably took him about twenty minutes to get there.  My four year old mind, however, thought it took forever and I wound up sitting on the floor outside the bathroom, sliding cookies under the door to her so she wouldn’t starve.

It’s a great memory, and I was a more than a little blue when the buildings were torn down a few years ago because they always reminded me of that day.

So many things are gone now that meant something to me at some point in my life…

An apartment complex and parking lot sits on the site of the field where I played softball for two summers.  Okay, played is a bit of an exaggeration.  Of course none of us girls knew what we were doing.  In fact, the only thing that made us a team was our matching tee shirts.  We were ‘The Untouchables’ the first year, and  ‘The Octopuses’ (yuck!) the next.  Turns out we should have kept The Untouchables because it was fairly accurate…in that none of the other teams even came close to removing us from our last place standing.

As I think about the title of today’s post, I realize that it’s actually wrong.  While the fields, restaurants, stores, theaters, and so many other places are gone, or closed down, the memories are still alive and well.  I not only remember what is no longer ‘there,’ I remember why it still means something to me.

The abandoned building where we used to buy the world’s best nutty donuts.  Another that’s now an office used to sell the world’s best fish and chips.  Or the old hardware store, across from the school that’s no longer there either, where we were introduced to Zots…the best and coolest candy in the world!

Has anyone but me ever noticed that if you did it, ate it, or experienced it when you were a kid, it was the best?  And that if we have an opportunity to ‘do it again,’ it never seems to live up to our memories of it?

This song never fails to bring tears to my eyes.

Are there any buildings or businesses that are gone now, but when you drive past the place where they used to be, they bring to mind special memories?

I was completely amazed at how much I was able to accomplish after joining my first ROW80 in January.  Unfortunately I realized that I only have so much time and energy to go around.  And I realized that I just didn’t have enough of either to support all of the other participants like I should if I were going to be a part of the group.  Therefore my first ROW80 has to be my last.  For now anyway.

However…

The public announcement of my plans, and each week’s updates, was extremely motivating…so I’m going to launch out on my own and start adding a brief post on Sundays stating whether I’ve met my goals or not.  I will break my goals up in the same way the other group does, three months at a time, and see what happens.  This means I have approximately  six weeks until the end of June.

My goals are:

1.  Finish editing current MS for July 20, 2012 release

2.  Finish editing and correcting formatting issues in The Daddy Pact (I will work on the other two beginning in July)

3.  Expand outline for third book in series so I can begin writing again in July  (current word count is 15,254)

4.  Work on outline for second WIP, and add 500+ words each day, five days a week (current word count is 20,108)

5.  Try harder to spend more time on Twitter

6.  Figure out a workable schedule for blogs I’m currently following

7.  Check out a few new blogs every week.

Just looking at this list makes me want to hunt up a paper bag to breathe into, but I’ll see how it goes the first couple of weeks.  Please feel free to ignore my Sunday updates because this is just an experiment to see if I can get back on track.  🙂

It took awhile to get all of the contact information (still waiting for one), the winners of the giveaway have received their prizes.  Each person who commented was assigned a number and entered into the integer generator at Random.org.  Congratulations to:

Emma, Fabio Bueno, Jolene Naylor, Jansen Schmidt, Paige, Jennette Marie Powell, Kiki R., Louise Behiel (2), Elizabeth (2), borg and Agman.  

Thanks so much for helping me celebrate the release of Enza!

I would like to say thanks again to all of the bloggers who participated in the tour.

Changing the subject, Morgen Bailey is interviewing me today.  🙂

About what, you may be asking.

Simply this…  We are now in the 21st century…and no longer chained to our television sets.  In fact, we have a number of options available to watch our favorite programs on.  Hulu, Dish Online, and iTunes…just to name a few.  I can watch most of the shows I enjoy on my desktop computer in my office.  I can drag my laptop wherever Wi-Fi is provided and enjoy them in the middle of a coffee shop.  I suppose if I really wanted to, I could tune in from my cell phone.  Of course I’d have a telescope available to make out details…

So why are networks still so dependent on the members of their elite Nielsen Family?

I’ve never liked the fact that this select group gets to choose what I’m allowed to watch.  I’m not much into comedies, cookie cutter cop shows or reality television.  Nope.  I tend to like dramas that are unique.  Which is why I’m in a mood to rant.

First of all, I can’t remember the last time I turned my television on.  I’m guessing that it was for the season finale of White Collar on February 28th.  How can I be that specific?  Because Haven ended their season in December, and I always watch Parenthood, TVD, and Fringe on Hulu or Dish Online.  But Haven and White Collar must be even more special than I think they are because the networks make fans who missed the episodes on television wait thirty days to watch them elsewhere.

Therefore I know it’s been more than almost three months.

I know I’m not the only person who appreciates the ability to choose what I want to watch, when I want to watch it, where I want to watch it.  Whether networks like it or not, TV’s may become obsolete.  Or if not gone entirely, at least much lower on the totem pole for viewing choices.  Yet they still depend on the opinions of the Nielsen Family like an addict depends on drugs.

And I just find that really annoying.

I had never heard of Fringe until sometime last year.  It had been on a good two and a half years before I got bored one night and started surfing through Hulu’s offerings…and was hooked immediately.  I mean please.  Once I got a look at Joshua Jackson, I knew I was in it for the long haul.  It really helped that he could act, and that the show was good, different…and kind of weird.

Lots of people love Fringe.  Their Facebook page has 3.4 million fans.  Yet because television viewership was down this season, Fox is only renewing it for thirteen episodes.  Really?  Why don’t they check to see how many people are watching online?  I suspect the numbers would be staggering.  (Don’t worry, my rant is winding down)

I stopped watching CBS for over six years when they cancelled Now and Again, only turning it back on when Jericho came out (gotta love Skeet Ulrich).  A season and a half later, CBS was added to my ‘never watch again’ list.  Along with ABC and a few cable networks.  Fox is next one to be banned in my house, I guess.

There is one upside to all of this.  As I watch fewer shows every year, it frees up a whole lot of my time.  Time I can spend reading, writing and doing other things I enjoy.  So I suppose I can’t complain too much.  I mean really, if I were tied to the television, I wouldn’t have been able to drive into town this evening to see The Avengers.  For the third time…

“Take the newspaper.  What does it say?  All bad, it’s all bad.  People’ve forgotten what life is all about.  They’ve forgotten what it is to be alive.  They need to be reminded.  They need to be reminded about what they have and what they can lose.  What I feel is the joy of life, the gift of life, the freedom of life, the wonderment of life!” ~Leonard Lowe~

That quote is from one of my favorite movies, Awakenings.

If you’ve never had the pleasure of watching this, it’s one of those stories that will grab your interest from the start.  You’ll laugh, you’ll smile…and you’ll have to make sure to lay in a good supply of tissues.  In my opinion, Robin Williams was outstanding.  And Robert De Niro…what can I say?  He nails every role I’ve ever seen him play,  and this was no exception.

For those who aren’t familiar with it, Awakenings was based on a true story.  It’s about a group of patients who had been catatonic for decades following an encephalitis lethargica epidemic.  One summer, thanks to the drug L-Dopa, these patients awaken and appear to be healed.  You can’t help but be happy for all of them, especially for Leonard Lowe, who was just a boy when he got sick.

Leonard really touched my heart during this movie.  Instead of focusing on the things he’d missed out on…and he missed out on a lot, he wanted to experience everything he could.  His attitude was so amazing it just made me want to stand up and cheer for him.

This boy/man had had most of his life stolen from him, yet he didn’t dwell on it, or get bitter or angry.  He chose to live in the moment.  To see the good.  To live his life to the fullest.

Sometimes I think about Leonard when the responsibilities and headaches of life seem to be getting heavier than usual.  When I’m not getting enough sleep, or when my to-do list is never ending.  Even as I cross a few items off, there are other things that have to tacked on before the ink is even dry.  I develop an acute case of tunnel vision…focusing only on the things that seem to be  sucking the energy right out of me.  It’s then that I need is a healthy dose of Leonard’s childlike excitement and enthusiasm.

Leonard’s doctor learned from him…

“That the human spirit is more powerful than any drug.  And that is what needs to be nourished.  With work, play, friendship, family.  These are the things that matter.  This is what we’ve forgotten.  The simplest things.” ~Dr. Malcolm Sayer~

When I get to that place, it’s because I’ve forgotten to nourish the part of me that needs it the most.  And I have  to take a step back and do something just for me.  A night out to watch a movie with my daughter.  A long drive, listening to my favorite music.  Maybe something as simple as a relaxing bubble bath, or lying in bed a little longer to listen to the birds singing outside my window (as opposed to dragging myself out of bed and grumbling about them disturbing my sleep with all their noise).

I forget that if I don’t take care of myself, I won’t be able to take care of anything…or anyone…as well as I should.  And if I don’t focus on the little things, I’ll take everything for granted.

What do you do when you realize that you’ve gotten to the place where you don’t feel joy anymore?  When life just seems like a burden you have to endure?

My favorite scene…

Over the past several months I’ve read numerous blog posts, as well as an entire book…all on the subject of what authors should be charging for digital books.  And I suppose, as with most everything in my life, I tend to be a middle-of-the-road kind of person.  I can see both sides of the argument.

Unfortunately, facts don’t lie.

Fact one.  In the world of books, I’m fairly new on the scene.  I don’t have a big name (yet).  I don’t have a NY Times best selling book (yet).  So basically I’m an unknown indie author.

Fact two.  As a fairly new, unknown, non-best selling indie author (for the moment), readers don’t know who I am and, therefore, aren’t burning up the internet in their haste to buy my novels (yet).

Fact three.  Because of facts one and two, I have to look at all of the other facts and decide what it is I want out of this whole indie publishing thing.

Do I want to price my work at what I think it’s worth and be happy with selling ten books a month?  Or….  Do I want to set my price low enough that fifty or a hundred times more people will read it every month?

Those are great questions, but the one that I needed to give the most thought to was why did I start writing in the first place?  Was it because I had visions of making millions of dollars and having my name recognized everywhere I went?  Well, I suppose that thought has always been in the back of my mind, but that’s not why I write.

I write because I love to write.  That’s it.  Plain and simple.  Black and white.  I do it because I love to create stories.  Not because I feel I’m due a certain dollar amount for my time and effort.

How would you go about determining what your book is worth anyway?  What should I expect in return for any research needed for a story?  How much for creating characters and all the plotting involved?  And is there enough money in the world to compensate me for editing?

I haven’t made a fortune off my writing (yet), but I’ve earned some decent mad money.  Enough to pay a few bills.  And that makes me happy.

Know what makes me happier?

The reviews.  The fact that people are actually reading books I wrote…and they like them.  Or even love them.  I can be floating around on cloud nine for hours over a three or four star review.  And jumping for joy over a five.

That’s why I write.  It makes me feel good.  Anything I earn is just icing on the cake.  But it’s that cake that’s most important.  It’s the satisfaction I get when I finally write the proverbial ‘The End.’  It’s knowing that people are going to be reading and enjoying that book.

Some things really are priceless.

Aww…

I’ve been thinking about growing up, and the way my life has changed since becoming a mother.  And as the memories roll by, I remember how I couldn’t wait to get out on my own.  How I would do things differently…better…than my mom did.  Maybe I’m just weird, or maybe all girls hit that independent, rebellious place where they think they know everything.  It took awhile, but I finally realized that I did not.

1.  While I might have hated the way you folded towels, the extra ten seconds gained from eliminating two folds really didn’t make make a whole lot of difference in my life.  Oh, it might have if I’d had to fold ten thousand of them every day, but for a half dozen or so, it wasn’t worth the extra space they took up in the cupboard.

2.  Money definitely does not grow on trees.

3.  Following others, whether they’re jumping off a cliff…or doing some other stupid or dangerous thing, is never a good thing.

4.  ‘High’ is not the only setting on the stove.

5.  Waiting until the last minute makes for a whole lot of extra stress.  I’m still a major procrastinator, but I’ll admit that her way is the better way.

6.  New recipes can be fun, different, and even disastrous…but when I want comfort foods, it’s the foods I ate when I was growing up that I turn to.  And I still make them the same way she does.

7.  The best times are times spent with family, no matter what we’re doing.  And they’re even better when they include food.

8.  Even though it seemed a little weird when I was little, it didn’t take long to realize that making sure you’re wearing clean underwear is a good idea…whether there’s an emergency room involved or not.

9.  Yes, you can use too much oregano.  And garlic, celery salt, and cayenne pepper.  I learned those last ones on my own.  But they still weren’t as bad as the two disasters involving oregano.

10.  Timers are my friend.  They help me avoid having to clean exploded boiled eggs from every surface in the kitchen.  And they eliminate the need to open windows and doors in the dead of winter to get the smoke out of my house.

11.  If you’re going to do something, you might as well take your time and not do a half-a  …do a really good job of it.

12.  Mushroom hunting sucks.  Especially when you don’t like mushrooms.

13.  She was right.  You really do use twice as much of the bargain bathroom tissue so you might as well buy Charmin.  Unless you have a septic tank.  And then you better use White Cloud….even though the guy who cleans the tank recommends Scott.  Gotta draw the line somewhere.

Yes, I learned more than these things from my mom.  But I’m not a really mushy person so I decided to have a little fun with this post.  What are some things you learned from your mother?

If you’ve been thinking about reading Enza, today would be a great day to get your copy.   Digital copies are freetoday on Amazon.com.

***SPOILER ALERT***

I always hate the season finale of any series I enjoy (though it beats series finales all to pieces).  Usually I’m a little bummed because I only watch a handful of programs, which means that’s one less hour to entertain me…and now I’m down to zero hours of drool time TV for a few weeks.  At least until Haven,  Parenthood, and Teen Wolf return.

For the past month or so, I’ve been looking forward to…and dreading…the last episode of this season’s The Vampire Diaries.  This is one show I wish I could see year-round.  And I don’t mean reruns either.  I mean a new installment every week.  The eye candy in this series is enough to make a ninety year old woman swoon.

Even though I warned of a spoiler alert, I’m not going to give away too much, like whether Elena chose Stefan or Damon.  Frankly my choice for her is Stefan.  So I started watching, expecting to be let down a little.  What I didn’t anticipate, however, was to turn my television off and walk away feeling like that hour would have been better spent cleaning my toilet or something.

It just felt like a ‘B movie’ kind of effort on the part of writers.  The flashbacks seemed to be very out of place…and what’s up with seat belts in Mystic Falls?  It’s almost like if you so much as sneeze they can’t be unfastened.  It just seemed weird.  But it was the rest of the show that bugged me.

Damon and Stefan are the main draws…but that doesn’t mean I don’t like the rest of the cast almost as much as I do those two.  All I could do was sit there thinking, are you kidding me?!  The fate of too many characters is up in the air.  And what the heck was up with that last scene?  I guess someone is a huge fan of Stephenie Meyer.  Snap out of it, writers!  Elena is not Bella. No, you didn’t copy it 100%, but it was close enough that I just rolled my eyes.

I’ll check it out again when it goes up on The WB’s website.  Maybe today was just one of my ‘off’ days but, if it wasn’t, I may or may not be chomping at the bit for the first episode of season four to air.  I’m sure I’ll be watching it…but not as enthusiastically as I have in the past.

What did you think of the finale?  Do you think they went a little overboard?  Did anyone else see a disappointing similarity between the final scene in tonight’s TVD and the last one in Breaking Dawn, Part 1?